(alternately entitled Two Really Crappy Weeks)
"Because I love Jerusalem, I will continue to speak for her. For Jerusalem's sake I WILL NOT stop speaking. I will speak until her goodness shines like a bright light. I will speak until her salvation burns like a bright flame." Isaiah 62:1
A forced smile
The last two weeks have been sorta stormy with a few rays of sun (that's right I've finally accepted my gifting as a weather girl:-). What I mean by that is, things here have seemed pretty crappy (crappy enough to make me question my decision to be a west coaster- briefly... and yes, I am melodramatic) but despite the bad stuff there has been some really good things too.
I'll start by saying that I really don't want to delve into the crappy parts. I'm not one for public humiliation, and am not sure how much good comes from airing your heart publicly on the net for all too read. So, I'm just gonna say that these weeks have been wrought with misspoken words, tears, hurt feelings, confusion, no, make that lots of confusion, more misspoken words even more tears and leave it at that.
In the midst of prayers for a right heart, a direction to walk and clarity of boundaries there have been people- friends- speaking on my behalf & speaking into my heart, helping clear some of the confusion, making me laugh and reminding me that bad days (weeks) are often part of Gods plan too. I have often prayed for an explanation, something to blame and subsequently "fix" but what I get is a reminder that I don't see the big picture and a reminder of Isaiah 62- That even when I feel powerless, confused and like running away or falling off the face of the earth unsure of myself, questioning my worth (like every girl does).... He is still speaking on my behalf and won't stop. My only job is resting in Him and caring for my heart while he is at work defending it. Heartache seems different this time around.
So whats been good? Well besides my amazing friends both near and far- I was offered a job that I am not qualified for that has an unheard of schedule on the recommendation of my director here. I'll save you the details of the job description accept to say that I am now one of 3 wound care nurses for the entire hospital. What this means is that I am my own entity, complete with desk, office, pager, no weekend, no holiday, no night shift (ever) schedule. What is even better is the other two nurses that I will be working with go to my church. I start tomorrow!!!!!!!!
The rekindling of old relationships thing??? No, I have not met some bronze latino ready take me south of the border to live on the beach.... although I haven't really been looking either.... anyway- I'm speaking of my "retail therapy" (you who know me well, know I deal with stuff by shopping.... c'mon, I haven't changed that much:-) so when this recent "storm" first rolled in, I, like every girl, immediately went where it's not healthy.... "there is something wrong with me. I'm ______ & ______(fill in the blanks as appropriate)." Thankfully I didn't go to the mall, I immediately ran to the gym and into to Star (also known as the "trainer from H*LL") and am now meeting with her 3 (very painful) times a week (yeah I said 3- in her words "this is a whole new ball game"- yikes). Honestly, I don't remember why I stopped. There is something to be said for pushing yourself (or allowing someone else) to push you until your legs are shaking, arms are limp and sitting is painful.
And of course I'm still having fun! Below is a picture of me and one of my favorite senior high girls (who incidentally is headed to PA for college in the fall:-( taken tonight at youth group.
Laguna Beach last week
