Old Dreams Die Hard

Over two years ago when I started trying to lose weight I decided I would do it by running. For whatever reason I have always been envious of runners. They are long and lean and seem to glide over the earth effortlessly. Most of them return from a run jonesing for the next. The "runners high" is said to be amazing. I, on the other hand, looked like a mack truck barreling down the street, and made it a habit each school year to find out what day we were to run the mile for the "Presidential Physical Fitness" test. It goes without saying I would subsequently be ill when that day arrived. I think in my entire high school career I ran the mile once- and thought I was going to die. But secretly, I have always wished I could be one of "them-" a runner.

In my early days of losing weight, I was way over zealous about running (esp when I think about what my weight was). Most people decide to start with a 5K or even a 10K if they're feeling a little cocky. I decided to register for a half marathon.... that's right 13.1miles (no one ever has to tell me to dream big). I bought running shoes, running books, training logs. I worked with a physical therapy assistant who would help me set short term goals, keep track of progress and stretch my sore legs. I was serious about it (a delusional I admit, see I had only given my self 4 months to go from not running to being a long distance runner). I trained for weeks and saw little progress but still had hope, that is, until one day on vacation in the mountains I hurt my knee (again delusional, running at my weight was just asking for trouble). That injury landed me in physical therapy, and lost my $70 registration fee.

I still want to be able to run. I have tried the running thing again several times since. Last fall when the chub club girls talked about running the Crossway Mile, I jumped on the computer and printed a training plan. I made it to training day two when my knee acted up.

Last week, I decided to try again. This time, I'm only shooting for a 5k (older is wiser right?) although I would love to be able to run more. The 5K I selected raises money for victims rights and isn't until April leaving me plenty of time to train in hopes of not aggrevating my knee. I have successfully made it past day two of the training program and am actually enjoying it (although what keeps playing in my head when I run is "heal to toe-" seriously, time for a new mantra).

Otherwise- life in cali is quite status quo. My bought with the virus from down under (and I don't mean australia friends) is gone minus a lingering cough. It has been cold and rainy here, hardly what christmas in California is supposed to be like (believe it or not, I miss snow).

Well friends- Thats all for now, back to work
Merry Christmas!!

Sorry so long.....

Okay- I know it's been two weeks since I've updated. My reasons for not posting are both valid and pathetic. Pathetic because I was waiting to have pictures to post, valid because I have the flu (or a close cousin of the flu) which, trust me, no one wants a picture of, that is unless you find a 20 something sleeping on the couch with a little brown dog by her side photo worthy:-) In truth, the flu has only been upon me for the past 5 days, leaving 9 others in which I could have posted.... that's where the picture excuse comes in.

I promise I will update soon (hopefully with pictures)

Girls Bible Study

Tonight I was invited to attend the senior high girls bible study at church. No, they don't think I'm still in high school. My friend Jacquie leads it and invited me to "co-lead" (meaning come and hang out) on weeks I'm not working. This week was the beginning of a study on intimate friendship with God. To kick start the study Jacquie invited an art therapist to spend the evening us. Kayla was Jacquie's roommate in college and is a very strong christian. The evening began with prayer and then Kayla asked us to say what first comes to mind when we think about God.

Each of the girls went around a said very "Sunday school" answers like "caring," "good".... etc. Next she gave us each a sheet of paper and supplied us with different mediums to use to creatively show our relationship with God including pastels, chalk, and magazine cut outs. She instructed us to work silently and concentrate only on our own picture giving us 15 minutes to complete the task.

This is what mine looked like at the end of the 15minutes.

I originally drew it longs ways. The colors symbolizing my relationship with God feeling like hot and cold. The blue being like the ocean, the cold time and the red being like fire, the hot times. There is a very fine line in the middle which is the balance that I find soooo elusive. When I shared with the rest of the group, Jacquie reminded me that water is cleansing, and that though cold is not comfortable it is necessary, even in terms of relationship to God. Even more cleansing is the motion of "churning" like in a washing machine or the ocean. One of girls said to me, "the blue looks like it says something." I turned it to the side to find this.
"Sage." It was COMPLETELY unintentional, and even though that is clearly what it says, I didn't even notice it until Roxy pointed it out. Kayla reminded me that "they say there are no mistakes in art." I got home and looked up sage in the dictionary to find these two definitions.

1) A wise and trusted guide 2) green leaves used in medicine for healing.

A gentle reminder that even in the "cold" times I have a wise and trusted guide, and that He is providing healing.

Adjusting

I'm realizing that my vacations in Cali are far more exciting then my real life in Cali. I've slipped back into the usual pattern of going to work, going to the gym and going to Starbucks to read. I would say that this isn't all bad, or even a little bit bad, just an adjustment.

It is easy for me to feel bored these days, but unmotivated to do anything at the same time. I think there are couple reasons for this. The main reason being that I was so crazy busy before I left that not having a "to do" list a mile long leaves with no feeling of purpose, nothing I'm working towards. Don't get me wrong, I know there is a purpose to me being here (and I'm sure my free time will decline dramatically when I start school in January). It's just that that purpose isn't keeping me so busy I barely have time to sleep- right now.


The other reason is that even though I do have friends here, the friend with whom I spent the most time with on previous stays and I are no longer communicating. We seem to have parted ways, he going one way, me going the other. That leaves a big chunk of time, (or at least it feels like it) when I could be hanging out, going to the movies, drinking coffee....etc that I'm not. Again- this isn't bad, just an adjustment- and motivation to get connected somewhere, although, I'm not sure where yet.


My sister has been gracious enough to let me be her tag along (this is nothing new:-) Yesterday we went to a birthday party for a 1 yr old. First let me preface this by saying they are Mexican and when they party, they party right- even if it's for a 1yr old. I have known Fred and Michelle since my first trip out, been to there wedding and hung out with their friends, family etc on several occasions. It was their daughter, Yazmeen, that turned one. And to give you an idea of the magnitude of this shin-dig, I'll just say , they invited 115 friends, family, family of friends and friends of family. There were kids and people everywhere. We arrived at 12pm to help set up and then left at 8pm, even though the party wasn't over. It boasted a full lunch spread, an afternoon of children's games, a pinata and more. I always forget, until I'm at one of these functions, the typical greeting and goodbye of a hug and kiss on the cheek even if your barely acquaintances. This happens regardless of gender or marital status. I must admit that I think this does make people feel more welcome, at least it does me. By the end of the evening I was playing a game of hide and seek with adults, conducted by a 5 year old.

Back to Work

I went back to work at San Antonio this past Wednesday. It's a little odd to start a contract mid-week, but the hospital was agreeable to it and the extra days to adjust to the time change and catch up on sleep were great.

The reception I received when I got there was amazing. A lot of the my co-workers didn't know I was coming back. I usually go visit when I get into town, before I start, but didn't this time. When I got to the floor, my friend Julie said "It is you!!!" And a group of people came over to give me a hug. My name had shown up on the staffing sheet, some were a little skeptical as to whether the staffing sheet was actually correct, or if there was another Bethany Smith starting.

San Antonio is just a fraction of the size of LGH. And everyone knows everyone, or at least knows who they are. All of critical care is viewed as one unit, even though it is really comprised of 4 telemetry floors, an ICU and a CCU. Because of that, it's not uncommon for nurses to get pulled of their home floor to fill holes, even in ICU/CCU, so there is a lot of camaraderie between units. Even as a traveler I have to take my turn floating various places. I was so blessed when people from other floors came up and said "I heard you were back, I just wanted to say hi."

My first week back I felt like I was fumbling around trying to get back into the routine. I was offered orientation, but declined (the funny part was, I was technically supposed to have it. Lora, one of the nurse managers, came to me before my second night back and said that the educators weren't to happy with her, could I fill out my orientation packet and have a co-worker sign as my preceptor. We laughed at the ridiculousness of it). Bouncing from one hospital to the next can sorta leave you in a fog. I was frequently asking "do you guys _____ (fill in the blank) or was that at my other hospital?" Most people just laughed and told me I had been gone too long. Each night got progressively better.

After three nights in a row and little sleep I am exhausted! I got up early today to go with my Mom and Sister to the Gap (friends and family day = BIG discounts. I was good and only used my dollars for long sleeved tee's to go under my scrubs) and then went to the gym. I'm so tired that I think I my be hallucinating because I think I hear my bed calling me. I'm going to go look into it right now!

Miss you all!!!

California Brunette???

The world has always known me as a blond. I was born a blond (okay, I was bald until I was two, but when that hair did finally come in it was blond) and have been various shades of blond since. Today I decided to change that. I have been talking about going darker for awhile just for a change and today that happened. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about it. In the salon I LOVED it. Now out in the real world I barely recognize myself. Because my hair was so light David (formerly from Utopian Love Story) went darker because light hair doesn't hold color well. After a few washings the color will lighted a bit. Also because of my hair being light, I need to wait until the second "darkening" to get highlights( which will still be darker then my natural shade). I'm told it's a process. It "pulled" more red then he thought it would, but I'm kinda digging it.

So here are the picts. Honest opinions wanted!!!

BEFORE as a blond

AFTER as a Reddish Brunette

The Trip

Driving cross-country in three days means a lot of car time. One would think that since this was my fifth trip in the past two years (Laura's third) that we would have it down to a science, each trip being easier then the previous one. I would agree, that is, until we hit Kansas.

You see this trip I decided to shake things up a bit. Usually we go the southern route, out through St Louis and then down through Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. This time, instead of heading south in St Louis we went west, fully intent on seeing the great state of Colorado, Utah and Nevada. What came between us and the Rockies was the cruel and unusual punishment known as Kansas.

500 miles of flat corn fields with nothing in sight. We have driving through Oklahoma, but nothing could have prepared us for the mind numbing day we spent in Kansas (which by the way for all it's land, only boasts two major cities- Topeka and Kansas city, neither of which are too impressive.) We thought we had a break from our boredom when we started seeing signs for the "worlds largest prairie dog" and decided to check it out. But with a cover charge of $6.95 to get in, we decided to leave the prairie dog for someone else. The only exciting thing that happened in Kansas was me losing my keys and my phone in the bathroom.

We hit Colorado just before sunset (we had been hoping to get there mid afternoon but didn't make good time the first day). Surprisingly, Eastern Colorado looks just like Western Kansas. We hit Denver and the Rockies in the evening and were unable to see anything:-( and stopped in Grand Junction for the night.

The next day (the last day) we went through Utah, the corner of Arizona, Nevada (viva las Vegas) on in to Cali. Utah was beautiful. It being the last day I was too keen on stopping to take picts often, but we did a couple times.

The Dogs did phenomenally as well. Sometimes I think they're better travelers then most humans. They have an amazing propensity to sleep 24 hours a day, which is what they do in the car. Bear had some issues the last day with the heat and would put his head between the seats in order to get some extra airflow, while Sid would awaken every so often to chew a bone or rearrange his blanket.

Just a pile of blankets?

Nope! Sid sleeping under the covers

Who but Bear in the corner? Trying to find some reprieve from the sun.