Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Today

I TURN 30!!!!!!! Not sure whether I want to rejoice or vomit!!!!!!!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Two hot chicks at the mall......

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

23 days and all is (better than) well

I realize that it's been 23 days since my last post. I do apologize to you few faithful readers (btw- I love you too Julie-[and your little family]). If your hoping for a fun photo filled post- well I apologize again:-) While, I did consider posting the picture Sheli took of her picking my nose tonight I decided to save it for a more opportune time, like her 16th birthday party, or her wedding perhaps......

By all appearances life has been pretty status quo, which is why I struggled to write anything. Thankfully appearances aren't often what they seem. I know I have shared this, if even briefly, with almost everyone I talk to, but the past two years of traveling have been hard both emotionally and spiritually. My physical "wandering" translated into my heart wandering, and turned into an exhausting search. I so believe there is benefit in the struggle and the search, and I thank God that this was no exception.

This past month- or three months have been incredible for me. Very much like spring after a two year winter filled with much soul searching. I know that it's not wise to go into specifics for all to read here, so please forgive my vagueness as I search for the right words.

The Lord has been doing sooooo many things in my heart and around me, sometimes I feel like I am going to burst. The best way to describe it is a "re-awakening." Unlike anytime in the past two years, I am at peace calling any one place home, calling this place home. In the past, I have cringed at thought of a decision. I have a new growing desire to serve, follow, honor and seek hard after Him. God is doing something here, God is doing something in me here and there isn't any other place I should be right now.

In Gods humor, I was on the phone with sweet Lisa T early last week. She asked pointedly if I felt like I was where God wanted me, if I would stay in Cali. After a bit of silence I said for the first time out loud "if the country were suddenly splitting in two and I had to choose where I would I would live, I would pick here. It is where I'm supposed to be right now." The next morning I got a call from the recruiter saying that there was an issue with extending my contract, I needed to go talk to my manager. Knowing I would see her the next day, I didn't think anything of it. However, that evening I got a call from the director- my managers boss, asking me to call her. I went into work early and had a meeting with the director, and two of the managers. In short they offered me a full time position, (above what I'm doing now, but below a manager). I was/am honored to be considered, esp since I'm not really even a hospital employee. The meeting concluded with a tentative agreement to extend my contract through may, and then go full time as a "real" employee.

I smile as I write this, not because the thought of a permanent move and the saying of goodbyes doesn't make my heart ache, but for the first time in 2 years my heart has found home and I can breath.

I will still be going to school to be a Nurse Practitioner as planned. My desire being to serve the impoverished (urban or overseas) providing health care, living, serving and ministering among them.... that is something I have long felt called to (when I was young- elementary school even, I used to say I wanted to live in Africa in a hut, later I said I wanted to open an inner-city clinic. When I first got to Cali two years and some odd months ago, my mom sat down with me and told me to pray about my calling saying God doesn't give children life visions unless he intends to bring it to fruition).

They do say that 30 is when it all comes together. I'm not sure who "they" is, or what "it all" entails, but it looks like I'm a week ahead of schedule:-)

I know that the majority of you are reading in PA. I also know that some (or most) of you expected the news of west coast permanence to come at some point but that you may still be in a bit of shock esp with the way I fought leaving PA in the fall. I selfishly am requesting your prayers for wisdom about my house. My intent is to sell, the issue is figuring out when (although renting isn't out of the question).

Lori and Mya are here now and it is the best birthday present I could ask for! Even in delirious sleepless state we lay in bed last night laughing hysterically about Lord only knows what. I will post pictures of our outings soon...(as soon as I take some:-)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Welcome 2008!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! This year (month actually) is monumental to me- I turn 30! Though I feel no closer to being an adult then I did when I hit the other milestone birthday- 21, I am told that your 30's is where it all comes together.... here's hoping:-) To begin the official month celebration (that will continue until the 29th of January- My official b-day) I thought that I would post a song that I am considering my anthem for this year (no it's not "Baby Got Back" although that was a close second when I was deciding). If you have never actually listened to the song... I recommend it. Emphasis to lyrics mine... obviously.


I CHOOSE- India Arie
Here I am now looking at 30 and I got so much to say,
Gotta get this off my chest, I gotta lit it go today
I was always too concerned about what everybody would think
But I can't live for everybody; I gotta live my life for me
I've reached a fork in the road of my life
Ain't nothing gonna happen unless I decide
And I choose, to be the best that I can be
I choose to be authentic in everything I do
MY PAST DON'T DICTATE WHO I AM
I choose
I don' been through some painful times I thought I would never make it through
Filled up with shame from the top of my head to the soles of my shoes
I've put myself in so many chaotic circumstances
BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD I'VE BEEN GIVEN SO MANY SECOND CHANCES
BUT TODAY I DECIDED TO LET IT ALL GO
I'M DROPPING THESE BAGS, I'M MAKING ROOM FOR MY JOY
Release the guilt about why things happen the way that they do
Cause life is gonna do what it do
And everyday I have the opportunity to choose
From this day forward, I'm going to be exactly who I am
I don't need to change the way I live my life just to get a man
I even had a talk with my mama and I told her today that I'm grown
From this day forward every decision I make is gonna be my own
I choose, to be the best that I can be
I choose to be courageous in everything I do
My past don't dictate who I am
I choose
I choose