hello????

So, umm, it's been awhile. Truthfully I've tried updating several times (like 6) over the past few months but there is a ton to tell and I get lost in details which leads to frustration which leads to me daydreaming, which leads to me... well, not posting. I'm at work now so I don't really have time to post much (of which there is a ton, i.e. career change, work, church, CD releases.... like I said lost in details), but I do want to update on one specific thing.

One of the main reasons for my not posting is my business. I have been busy dating a man, since the end of Oct... Halloween to be exact. Those of you long time blog followers will know him as David from the Utopian Love Story post way back in Aug 2007. The last few months has been so fun, and so hard. Fun because he makes me laugh. We go on "adventures" instead of dates. (adventures are usually free alternatives to dates, like the beach to water color, or Ikea (below with the hats), or hiking, or catalina, or fishing). We talk hours on the phone, see each other almost daily, make up goofy songs that our fake band is going to sing...etc. It's been hard because I was forced to face a lot of my fears of being hurt, of being vulnerable and open, of not being good enough and had to let my guard down. These are all hard things to work through and it took me sometime to completely say "this is what I want." David was extremely, extremely patient with me. He answered questions, gave plenty of assurance and always always treated my heart gently in spite of the things I would say (and I said plenty of things I wish I could take back). I finally decided that I was ready to be 'in it' a few weeks before he decided he was done being 'in it'. And things ended rather abruptly last Thursday. The 'break-up' was amicable. I had an amazing quiet time earlier in the day that I believe was preparation for 'the talk.' We parted with the understanding that things would change but not too much. We would still see each other and talk, but keep things low key until some things in both our lives got worked out. He has since stopped all communication without warning or reason. I am left confused, sad, missing my friend terribly and am not sure what I should be doing. I want to make things right, but am not sure what exactly is wrong. I want to apologize for things I've said (that I have already apologized for) and speak truth in their place. I want him to hear before he completely closes the door, but I don't want to push away. Everyone tells me that time and space is what is needed which, of course, is easier said than done.

My birthday is this week. He was coming over to celebrate with my family and had a surprise "adventure" planned for us this weekend. The last time we talked that was still the plan. I'm hopeful that I will see him, but I'm not expecting to. The unknown scares me.

I know that God is faithful, even in dating. I know that He is teaching me to trust, and using my hairdresser to do it (that in and of itself poses a whole other issue... who's going to do my freakin hair??? He's been doing it for free for a while!!!!!). I know that things will be fine, that I'll move on whether my questions get answered or not. If you think of it, please pray for my heart for peace and confidence in God's plan even when I have no clue what it is, but most importantly, please pray for David and his heart, that God would soften it, not to me but Him.

Thanks friends.

I promise more soon!

Oh & let me know if your still reading-