House Update

This past week there has been a flurry of activity; random people coming at random times to do random things at random places in the house. Packing has come to a complete stand-still but I'm beginning to see signs that all the construction madness does have an end!

This is what has changed since last week:
-The drywall is half "finished" and the crown molding is up in the front bedroom
-The drop ceiling in the bathroom is completely gone, along with the fluorescent light
-The sink vanity is gone (by gone I mean in the office)
-The ledge is up around the ceiling and 2x4s are in place to hang drywall today (in the bathroom)
-The shower walls have been cut back and the trim is on

I am excited about the progress, even inspite of the tools, mess, things out of place (the new bathroom sink is in the living room in front of the fireplace!) and my inability to pack. Those who have lived the bathroom saga with me will certainly understand the excitement. To those who haven't- well lets just say it's been a 4year project that at one point involved me making a shower out of shower liners and a staple gun:-) I think I may have an unveiling party for the bathroom when it's all said and done!

I do have picts chronicling the process but have no way to easily upload them right now.... soon I promise!

Truck stop coffee

At work tonight we were out of coffee, so on the verge of a caffeine headache, I went to the vending machine to get some. Vending machine coffee isn't my favorite by any means but while it was "brewing" the smell brought back a memory (don't that say that smell is the sense that is most likely to trigger memories?).

Anyway while I was standing there wearily, anxiously awaiting the piping hot paper cup of instant energy, I was transported (in my mind), to a random gas station we must have stopped in on the cross country trip. For some reason no coffee tastes as good to me as the coffee you get on a road trip regardless of whether it's from a gas station, truck stop or a continental breakfast. It's especially tasty after hours of sitting in car when your back hurts and your brain is a little fuzzy when you know that that little cup of Java is the magic potion that will get you a couple hours closer to your destination.

Something in me was instantly excited to jump in the car next month and head west, reminding me of how much I love road trips to Cali. It's not just the coffee or sleeping in hotels (I love sleeping in hotels- seriously. By this stage in the game I can give you a list of "must stays" and "don't even think about stayings") but also the anticipation of the unexpected things to come. While I'm going to my parents house, where everything is very familiar, each time I return to So. Cal. it's like going somewhere for the first time- again. I expect this time will be the same.

Needless to say my vending machine coffee hit the spot!

Rare Finds

While packing up some stuff today I came across a number of unexpected and entertaining things.

-My very first drivers license
-My high school diploma
-My high school senior pictures
-A $20 I left in the wallet I used over three years ago (this one brought the biggest smile to my face!)

I'm sure there is plenty more "memorabilia" waiting to be found!

Progress.....

If I was going to be honest I would have to say that last week was a bit rough. Not so much in terms of anything that physically happened, but emotionally. While I have tried to remain cool, calm and collected about not having a job, wondering how I'm going to pay the bills, working on getting the house ready to rent and picking up and moving again; the addition of some key ingredients namely exhaustion, illness and some hormones, caused all my uncertainty and anxiety came bubbling up and out. It wasn't pretty, normal maybe, but definitely not pretty. The total truth is that being unsettled as I have been for the past 2years, really does begin to wear on you- emotionally, relationally and spiritually. While I am planning on going back to Cali, this time indefinitely, I have been rerunning the same thoughts and questions in my head "where 'should' I be? What if I make a wrong decision? Have I gone to far in the renting process to change my mind? Am I physically able to get all my things packed and moved and all the improvements done so that it is rentable? Are all these improvements going to put me further in debt and further from school? If I rent my house, will I ever come back? What is there for me in Cali and what is left for me here? What if there are no jobs for me? Will I need to get a permanent position? can I afford a permanent position? Will I be able to go back to school if I take a permanent position? etc etc etc" These are the questions that spin around and around until I am a dizzy confused mess, like someone who's been blind folded, spun 30times and left in the woods to find her way out. This is how I felt wednesday when I sat where I'm sitting now, exhausted, crying, frustrated, sick (I had the flu- yuck!) and in need of some answers, or at least assurance.

The person quoted as saying "no use crying over spilled milk" obviously has never done it- because sometimes, once you figure out what you're really crying over, a good cry is all it takes to clear your thoughts and let you think reasonably again. I wouldn't say that I got any answers (still no job). But a sweet friend Lori unselfishly reminded me to walk toward what I originally felt I was called to (school) unless I was specifically unquestionably called to something else (example- don't give up on school to get married when there isn't even any man in the picture) just because I may not "feel" like it (example- if you want to lose weight you have to go to the gym regardless if you "feel" like it), and with that reminder came the confidence that I had somehow lost.

So this weekend I moved everything from both bedrooms and the bathroom into the office. Hung drywall on the ceiling of the master bedroom (okay Dwayne Lapp hung it, but I could have done it.... or not), painted the spare room- trim and all (lovely shade of green or grey or greyish green.... depends the time of day i guess, but trust me when I say it looks good), got the bathroom ready to be started tomorrow and now officially have signed a lease with Mel and Jamie all while having the flu.

I am going to bed to sleep for a very, very very long time:-)

AT LAST!

Wow! I can't believe it's been almost a month since I posted. Where does time go? And more importantly, how is that so much time has passed and I feel I have nothing but a growing "to do" list to show for it? I have been thinking about what to blog. Sometimes while trying to fall asleep, I think "I need to blog" and proceed to "plan" a blog post. The topics vary from things like my love of hats, stories about patients, time spent with my nieces, what being single and (almost) 30 in Lancaster county really feels like, and how the show America's Next Top Model always makes me think "what if." Though these (thankfully) never made it to the blog they all were wickedly humerus and very insightful in my mind (bear in mind, I was falling asleep).

The last couple of weeks have been chaotic but not extremely exciting. Sure there have been things like the beach with the Randolphs, random happenings with friends, a birthday here and there (Happy 30th Lena!) but my life has a rhytm to it. Work, clean, pack, go to the gym..... that seems to be my steady existence these days. Each area seems to have some "drama" that you may find note worthy.

Work- I extended my contract until mid Oct. (Oct 20th to be exact) and plan on extending it through the first week of November. This is the latest I can extend. There is some comfort in extending a month beyond what I originally signed for. First, it gives me more time to pack up this place I call home. Second it gives me more time to get everything done that needs to be done... i.e the infamous bathroom (Work starts the first week of Oct, YIPPPEEE) not to mention the mass amount painting still left to do. It also gives me two extra pay checks with which I can pay for the above mentioned work. Sadly I realize that as soon as all this work is done, I'll be leaving and won't be here to enjoy it. As far as Cali jobs go, I have none. Actually, as far as a job anywhere, I have none. For most people this would cause a fair amount of anxiety. I'm not gonna lie, some days it does. But I have come to realize that life has a way of unfolding itself, and my anxiety, though justified to some, doesn't change it. I am very confident that there is a job for me somewhere even though it seems like I won't find out where until the last minute. I've always said I like surprises.... this is just a test:-)

The House- Have you ever been overwhelmed by a huge task that you can't seem to find the motivation to do it simply because trying to decide where to start is exhausting?? That is how life on New St feels these days. Each day I think of all I have to do in the next month. I think so hard, that thinking is all I ever get done. The conversation with myself usually goes like this.... "Okay, I need to clean out the car, and take the stuff to goodwill, but there is that stuff in the kitchen that needs to go too, wait where in the kitchen is that stuff? I should pack up the kitchen, so I can find everything I want to take. But if I pack up the kitchen what plates, silverware etc will I use. I could use paper products but what happens if i run out before work and can't go get any. Better not pack the kitchen up yet" That's just a sample of the long conversation myself and I had today.... the outcome- the kitchen is packed minus two plates, two cups and some silverware (and pots and pans), but the car isn't cleaned out and the goodwill merchandise is still here.

The cleaning/packing war is complicated by the "my house is a construction zone" aspect. The master bedroom is ready to be drywalled and the bathroom needs to be cleaned out and ready for its face lift, so nothing is where it should be anyway. I found myself grumbling today about how much work moving is, even if its just to the attic. I now understand why people buy a house and grow old in it.

The gym- you may be thinking "really?? drama at the gym?" more like trainer trauma. Nick was my trainer in July. I was to call him when I got back from vacation. I did and he never returned my calls. So I signed up to see Tyrone again. (Tyrone was the trainer that chatted with me for an hour and a half instead of working out with me) I figured I would just need to "redirect" him if he got too chatty. We had out first session last week. He kicked my butt (probably because of a sassy comment I made doubting his ability to work me hard enough to drop 15lbs before I leave). We were set to work out twice this week. Tuesday I got a phone call saying he was going to be out for two weeks. I think I'm cursed!! I'm just not meant to train in the state of PA!! I ran into Tyrone tonight at the gym and he explained the situation. I'm not going to pretend that I understood what he said, but it had to do with certification of some sort and him taking a class.


While there are other things I could post, like my gym crush coming full circle or the car accident I was in this weekend (just rear ended, everyone is fine- but my car will be getting its third rear bumper) or Sheli breaking her leg in three places and needing surgery, I'm going to close here. It's late and I have a full day of thinking about cleaning and packing without actually doing it planned tomorrow!

Back to Reality

Last night was my first night back to work making the reality that vacation was indeed over more real. It occurred to me last night that I have only 6weeks left of my contract at LGH. Almost momentarily came the crushing awareness of all that needs to be done before I head west for the winter and the realization that I am still jobless as of Oct 6th. While I don't feel that finding a job will be difficult ( I spoke to the Director at San Antonio- my cali hosp. who said in no uncertain terms they want me back, but don't know if they'll need me when I'm ready to be there.) I know there are plenty of jobs in Cali, but that they may just involve more then the 3block commute I enjoy now.

Melanie and Jamie are set to move in to the house indefinitely in Nov. I am sooooo grateful to be leaving the house in their very generous and capable hands. It's just that I have procrastinated getting the house painted and the bathroom done (really is that any surprise to any of you who know me well?) and now I need to add packing up the entire house and moving it to the attic to the list... YIKES!!!! (this would be a good time to mention that before I left for vacation I signed up for a lot of overtime again... I AM a glutton for punishment) The good thing is that I can take a week or two after my contract to tie up loose ends before packing up the Uhaul (I'll be taking my bedroom with me this time) and hitting the road.

If you think of me please pray for endless energy and motivation, I don't foresee a lot of sleep in my future!

UTOPIAN LOVE STORY II and other Cali Anecdotes

Alright- first things first. I'm home. I arrived back in Lancaster at about 1pm. This trip, although it did involve a delay, was much smoother then the trip getting out there (but really- could it have gotten much worse- I think not!!!!!!).

I do have a funny anecdote for all you ladies who feel like the years are ganging up on you.

At the Quince reception Saturday night long after the dancing had started, I noticed a young 20 something dancing with a 6year old. They were being goofy, he was swinging her around and flipping her every direction. I had seen this guy earlier at Maribel's for appetizers and cocktails so I knew he was family. He and the little girl were very entertaining to watch. I had been foregoing dancing because I was helping my pregnant friend Debbie chase her very energetic sons jade(4yrs) and Nicholas(2years) around. I was swinging Nicholas around as we walked across the dance floor on our way back to Debbie when we were intercepted by the young man and little girl. He introduced himself as Adam and asked if Nicholas and I would like to dance with them. I said sure, when conveniently the little girl, ( I later learned was named Zoe) said "I don't want to dance anymore" so Nicholas, Adam and I were left. When again conveniently, Debbie came and got Nicholas. Adam asked if I wanted to dance, I agreed and we began dancing. After a quick conversation I find out that he is 24, and is Joey's (Maribel's husband) cousin.

For the rest of the evening it was like white on rice friends. I stopped dancing and sat down he followed. I went to get a drink, so did he. I went to the bathroom, he waited. This lasted until about 11pm when could no longer take it and decided to leave. I said thank you for dancing and told him I needed to go pack. He asked if he could have my number. Not really wanting to give it out I decided to pull the age thing and said " you understand I'm 30?" (for those of you keeping track, I turn thirty in 5months) To which he responded "WOW, You look good for being THAT OLD!!!!!!!!!" "Its really not that old" I said.... Mission Accomplished!!!!!!!!

UTOPIAN LOVE STORY II (alternately entitle Fill in the blank CORN_____)

FLAKE! I have to admit this is hard for me to write, simply because my pride is huge.... but here goes.
I spoke with David on Saturday afternoon while en route to Maribel's. I was calling to say thank, knew he was working and was hoping to leave a voice mail. When he answered the phone, I was near speechless. Long story short- we made plans to go out for another glass of wine Sunday evening before I had to head to the airport. We talked about a time and decided that he would call me sometime on Sunday to make arrangements (he was going to be in San Pedro and would be driving back) I was sooooo incredibly nervous that I can't even really remember how the conversation went- but I do know that he was equally as excited about us getting together again so much so that he was going to find out if the place we went to Friday was open and pick a new place if it wasn't.
Sunday rolls around and I have this knot in the pit of my stomach thinking it's not going to work out (I usually get those, I think it's a subconscious way of not getting to excited). when at 4pm he hadn't called I knew that it was a no go (and I refused to call him!), by 7pm he hadn't called, by 9pm when I'm on the way to the airport- still no call. He FLAKED!!!!!
As sad as that is (and believe me, I was sad- and more then a bit confused) the worst part is, I love the his haircuts and totally plan on going back to him.... can you say AWKWARD!!!!!! In an effort to smooth over any tension that may occur when I walk in there next (believe me, I don't want any bad feelings between me and person taking scissors to my head!) I sent a text saying No sweat, that I'd see him in Oct for a haircut.
And that truly is the END of my UTOPIAN LOVE STORY.