sister sister

Since I've moved out of my parents house sheli and I haven't been spending near as much time together. This past weekend the youth group went to Harvest Crusade in Anaheim. It was the first time that sheli and I have gotten to spend some quality time aside from the beach trips. Sheli took numerous pics to commemorate the night.

....ugh.....

I consider myself a pretty positive person. Don't get me wrong, some days are better then others, and honestly nothing gets under my skin more then... well, splinters, but i try to look at the positive side of things... until this morning.

I lost my drivers license a few months ago (and by a few months, I mean in April) when I went out dancing with some friends. Its still a Pennsylvania license since I still have the house. I hadn't really thought much about it, I have an old one that is, of course, expired, but still looks me, has my license number on it and can be verified.

Being so super organized and efficient (add sarcasm) I haven't really thought about replacing it, that is, until I realized I need a valid ID to get on the plane next month for settlement on the house. So I go to the Penndot site, print out the paperwork, fill it out and see that it needs notarized. Now working in hospital has many perks from never having to make a doctors appointment other then saying "meet me in the nurses station I need some antibiotics" to having an in-house notary.

So this morning, I called the in-house notary person, Bertha. I explain what I need notarized and make an appointment to see her. I proudly strolled down stairs, thinking "this was so easy, I'll get it notarized and overnighted on my lunch hopefully in time to get a valid camera card before my trip." how does that saying go? pride comes before a fall...

When I get there the lovely Bertha tells me she needs to see my VALID drivers license before she can notarize anything. Stunned, I explain, this is an application to REPLACE my valid drivers license because I lost it. I show her my social security card, my old license, my work ID, an old school ID... "I AM ME" I tell her rather exasperated. But to no avail; no notarizing paperwork to get a valid drivers license without a valid drivers license.

You may be thinking- just get a Cali Drivers License- yeah, need my valid PA license to do that too. So, my solution.... ummmmm i'm going to try to get a cali ID card so at least they'll let me get on the plane. (NOTE: I didn't realize this until I walked back to my office... I may be able to get on the plane with a cali ID card, but how am I going to rent a freakin car with out a license?????)

Maybe next time, and trust me I hope there is no next time, I'll not wait so long to replace whats lost.

(Ok- Bertha is actually a very nice lady. I told her the whooooolllllee story of how I need to get the camera card so that when I'm in PA for settlement on my house, I can get my picture taken for the new license and then promptly fly back to Cali and change my residence and get a Cali drivers license, but that the first step was her notarizing. After her head stopped spinning, she agreed to notarize tomorrow with all of the above Id's AND my birth certificate).




...ugh.....

SOLD!!!!!

I've waited for a long time to say this and finally I can..... MY HOUSE IS SOLD!!!!!!


Ahhhhh sweet relief!!!

Summer weekending

This weekend was busy! It started Friday with Refuel3; an event which includes a sleepover friday and a day of serving on Saturday. Things didn't go as planned saturday due to some a series of odd events but we all still had fun. Sunday was spent in the pool. Early afternoon my extended family wanted to swim. They left just before 5 which gave me a few minutes to nap before the next group of people arrived.... those people being the youth group(and a host of parents who decided to accompany them). It was a blast!!! (so I obviously started labeling and then quit half way through. but you get the point)

REFUEL 3



Music


laughs



Jamie Teaching

Me & Andrew (sweetest kid I know also the one that took most of these pictures


Kymbri


Breakfast


Breakfast


ummm...more breakfast











POOL PARTY

Update update update

Its been awhile, I know. Summer is crazy!!! There have been camping trips, beach trips, camping trips to the beach, house concerts, pool parties, bbq's... you get the point. Here are some highlights as well as some pictures (mostly from cell phones and mostly at the beach) of the summers activities.

-Camping at San Onofre State beach... beautiful! Several miles down the road there was a nudist beach so there were "Nudity Prohibited" signs everywhere. It was westons last even so we sent him off right.
-Beach Beach and more beach- I have been blessed with two nice surfboards this summer; borrowed from people who don't surf much anymore. That doesn't mean that I've surfed at all this year though. Good intentions and early mornings are like oil and water!
-I've only been sunburned once this year (and according to Kymbri it looked like my face was bleeding...whatever:-)
-John and Kymbri are here for the summer!!!
-Jamie MOVED here!!!
-Jamie MOVED here AND he brought my curtain rods!!!!!
-BBQ's and dinners on the patio. We love it! And trader joes has the best cajun salmon!!! work the next morning seems to be problematic though... but then work seems to be problematic every morning:-)
-pool parties including a "light show" toy for the pool.. although you can't look at it to long withoug having a siezure. And FINALLY the hot tub works!
-The vegitable garden and fruit trees. We planted a garden in the back yard. combined with the orange trees, lemon tree, plum tree and lime tree.. healthy eating is cheap. the work is worth it
-Thursday night Jogging (pronounced "Yogging") The brain child of John, who is currently the youth intern. a group of kids meet to run/walk/skateboard around town in homemade "uniforms."
-Air Kareoke on the living room couch- found by mistake while looking for movies on demand. Its free and really really fun!!! No one can sing britney better than we do on sunday afternoons!!
-piercing...
-Going away parties and Welcome parites...
-Dinners, walks, outings with Sam, Joel and the rest of the Walker family













I am exhausted, and very, very fulfilled!!

Pool boy??

I've been talking about weston, our youth pastor, leaving for awhile. Over the past 6 months the search for the new youth pastor has begun, ensued and as of last weekend finally come to end. Though I was not involved in the selection, from initial interviews to even being able to voice an opinion about the final decision (which was hard because I'm super involved and someone new means huge change for me as well as the kids) I glad that it's finally over. I'm also glad to announce that the new youth pastor will be non-other than lancasters own Jamie Sensenig.

I know some of you (all probably, unless you were of the few who heard me talk of it) are wondering "how the heck???" and rightly so. So I'll give a brief synopsis of the (long) story of how this can to pass...

This whole decision actually started 2.5 years ago... for real. The Sensenigs came to California to celebrate Jamie's 30th birthday. While here Jamie and my dad became fast friends. It was then (or so I'm told by my dad) that Jamie first shared his heart for youth and youth ministry with my dad. It was also then, after Jamie left, that I heard my dad say that Jamie would make a great youth pastor.

Fast forward 1 year- Jamie and Jason did me the HUGE favor of driving my belongs across the country. Again, Jamie and my dad spent time talking about life and Jamie's increasing desire to be in youth ministry. This time Jamie and my dad stayed in contact. After this visit I heard my dad say that he was "watching and waiting to see how God worked, and what doors God would open to bring Jamie out."

Over the course of the next few months, Weston made it clear that he was being called to serve elsewhere, specifically in urban ministry and was beginning to seek out opportunities to move in that direction. Shortly after christmas, Weston informed my dad and close friends that he was not going to be youth pastor the following (this coming) school year, and made it official by handing in his resignation.

My dad, who makes tri-yearly trips to PA and who had kept in touch with Jamie, made plans to out to breakfast with Jamie while in PA early February. I don't know much about that meeting except that when my dad came home he told me that Jamie would be coming to winter camp at the end of the month to counsel as a trial run. It was also at this time that it was decreed by all parties involved (and I think several foreign governments) that, though I was/am extremely involved in youth group that I would not be given information nor be asked for opinions in the matter due to my friendship with Jamie. I GLADLY agreed.

Jamie flew in for a short, but really busy weekend. During the weekend, Jamie had his first interview with some elders of the church as well as meetings with different people and spent a long sleepless weekend with some rowdy kids in the mountains.

In the last 4 months, there have been countless interviews with candidates, some good, some bad, some qualified and some, well, not so qualified.


A week and a half ago, Jamie flew in for a second interview with the church board (elders), the youth team and some key parents at the request of my dad. It was long day of interviews with those who were being considered for the position. After the interviews, those involved in the decision making were asked to take a week a pray about the next step.

Thursday, before the week was over, each of the 'decision makers' had come back individually saying that they felt the Lords leading in inviting Jamie to come serve as youth minister- UNANIMOUSLY!!!!


Jamie accepted the position and will be moving the the great state of California in the beginning of July. CRAZY!!!!! And finally, I can talk about it!!!

Big Sur & East meets West

(so I wrote this post thursday morning but haven't posted cause I was waiting for pictures from Jacquie which i still have, but over the course of 36hours there have been new "developments" worthy of a post, but I'm really tired and want to sleep... so check back soon).

I realized the other day that my last post was, oh, a month and a half ago.... but I've been busy. Having a house, (not to mention a roommate who's a chef) lends itself well to hosting dinner parties... which lately seem to be happening tri-weekly (believe me when I say that is not a complaint! It's been a blast!)

But dinner parties and all, nothing has been blog worthy (ok maybe they have been but I didn't post sooooo whatev.... ) It's probably easiest to just to start with the more recent big events....

BIG SUR
Memorial Day weekend I went camping in Big Sur california. It's about 6 hours up the coast on the Pacific Coast Hwy and is considered "Central Coast." It was a spiritual life retreat with the young adults and young marrieds from church. I have to say that my attitude wasn't the greatest. I really wasn't looking forward to the drive esp after all 4 passengers in my car bailed at the last minute. My attitude didn't improve much when I got up there close to midnight and couldn't find the campsite. This was further complicated by the lack of cell service. Long story short I ended up about 45minutes north in the quaint little town of Carmel, at a hotel. I made it back down to the campsite the next day, which was much easier to find in the daylight, and had a fantastic time. This part of the coast is breath taking!!! Early Sunday morning I woke up and drove down the coast a few miles, specifically to find a latte. Latte in hand, I pulled over at a turn out, got out of my car, sat at the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean and watched the waves come in. Half awake, my mind jumped from subject to subject and I began to make a "to-do" list of all the things I wanted to do when I got home. And believe me, all I wanted to do was go home, or at least start the long drive.

I must have been sitting there in silence except for the sound of the water, for at least 20minutes planning my day, my week, and probably my life before God interupted me with one statement "Enjoy this quiet, your life is about to change." I don't pretend to know what that means or in what ways it's going to change or even if the change is going to positive or negative, but I do know that with that statement came and overwhelming sense of peace about my future that calmed and has continued to calm the anxious untrusting corners of my mind. I sat there for awhile, my mind as quiet as possible, with a new sense of peace, feeling slightly dangerous (as one should with an unpredictable future) and then drove back to the campsite where I was greeted by friends and pancakes.....


EAST MEETS WEST

Last weekend was a weekend for reunions. Some of my favorite people made their way west! John and Kymbri came home from college in PA and Jamie flew in for a visit (the timeing is kinda funny, because before J&K left to drive west, they stayed with Jamie at my house in Lancaster for a few days). It was a busy weekend. Both Jamie and John and Kimbry arrived thrusday night, Jamie by plane, J&K by car. Friday we made plans to go surfing (ok I made plans for everyone) which were then changed to just going to the beach (need a new roof rack for the board)but by friday mornining reality that we were having 25 people over for dinner friday night (Last Friday Dinner, happens every month it just happened to be our turn to host)hit me. Overwhelmed at the amount of cleaning and food prep that needed to be done, I decided it was best for me to stay home but offered my car to anyone who wanted to use it. Being the upstanding gracious men that they are, Jamie and John spent the day cleaning the pool and the pool house. And trust me, that may not sound like much, but it was a huge task!!!! I promise the pool and the pool house have never looked so good!!! Thanks again boys!!! by the time 7pm rolled around, the house looked amazing, and we were exhausted!

The entire weekend flew by! Besides Last Friday Dinner, there were trips to the movies, the beach, contact broomball with the youth group, dinner with friends.... etc. I dropped Jamie off at the airport Monday afternoon and promptly took a nap.

Of course it goes without saying that I have a ton of other things to post: Working at Union Rescue Mission in LA, Youth Pastor transitioning/interviewing, vegitable garden growing and learning how to eat "raw," training for a "muddy-buddy" race, surfing stories, but more importantly the things God is teaching me. But those will have to wait for another day...

Swimming Lessons

Today was/is beautiful. High 80's, low 90's maybe (quite different then PA 80's and 90's. It's quite comfortable with no humidity)... anyway- we (susie and I) used the pool for the first time today. Our objective is to work on a tan (vain... I know). We both agree that fried chicken is more appetizing than raw chicken... and right now we're both looking like raw chicken. Sid was lingering around the pool, looking a little parched. Instead of going and getting him water we decided to put him in the water. First on my surf board, then on his own. He did swimmingly (pun intended). Typically I'm extremely opposed of putting pictures of myself in a bathing suit on the internet.. or anywhere for that matter, but Sid looks so stinking cute... and maybe a bit terrified









I'm not sure how he felt about the whole experience but it's good exercise for the chubby little pup. I'm sure a few more times will have him jumping in on his own..... maybe

these numbers make me smile..... a lot

oops-

So I've never lived in a house with a pool, let alone had to be responsible for the pool. Our first weekend here the landlord stopped by and told us the only thing we had to do for the pool was top it off every once in while when the weather is hot... something about evaporation and the filter.... the pool man would take care of the rest. Well, I was relaxing on the patio Sunday afternoon when I saw that the water level was a little below where they like it. So I throw in the hose, turn on the water, pat myself on the back for being a good renter and go back to relaxing.

Later that evening... err ummm, that night, I was on the phone with Jamie talking about rainy PA weather when I started to say that when it rains here all the left over fall leaves end up in the pool when it hit me.... I never turned the water off from 4hours before!!!! I ran outside to find the water completely level with the edge of the pool. Any longer and water would have been flooding out.

Truthfully it was really cool looking and thankfully, we don't pay for water!

couple of weeks

It's been a couple of weeks since I moved into the new house. It's been great! It's a great house that has come with a sense of freedom and adulthood....

My roommates, Susie and Jennette, and I have been busy making the house a home. We've planted a ton of flowers on the patio, in the front of the house along a trellis, in the flower bed beside the driveway, on either side of the pool house (morning glories to climb around the gigantic sliding glass doors)and even an organic herb garden (Jennette is a chef.... yeah, I know, I'm lucky!). We spent the first Saturday at the house working on the patio and pool house. My gracious roommies have let me make all the decorating decisions in the house (sadly though we don't get to paint:-(, while Susie has taken over decision making for the pool house (which is furnished with my parents living room furniture- they re-did the whole house as soon as I moved out including getting new furniture- yeah I know, I'm lucky!)

Here are some pictures of the house when it was still empty and the patio. Click on th album to see the captions others otherwise it's just a bunch of white walls

bathtime

Sheli and I gave Bear a bath last night (ok, I gave bear a bath, sheli sat on the bathroom counter eating a snack keeping me company). It was the first time I bathed him in years (no he's not nasty dirty... well, my dad might disagree... he usually goes to a groomer) but he needs his shots and can't get groomed until he gets them and since we're moving this week, I thought it would be nice to have a clean dog in my new house. Mid bath i remembered why I stopped bathing him myself and started taking him to the groomers.... I was more wet than he was.

Lunch

I sat outside today for lunch to enjoy the sun and fresh air. I took this picture with my phone just before heading in. The sweet smell of flowers, warm weather and fresh snow on the mountains from the rain this weekend...... beautiful!!!!

mmmmmmmm.....

...the smell of orange blossoms are everywhere here! It is amazing (and not citrus-y at all like one might think). It is light and sweet and makes me smile because it means spring is here. We have three orange trees at my parents and four at my new house including one that sits right outside the kitchen window so no matter which house I'm in I can always smell it come through the windows on the breeze...

all the more reason to love march.

March Madness::. BitterSweet

I think the month of march is about changes, at least in my world.

Last Sunday my dad announced in church that Weston, our youth pastor, was resigning to pursue urban ministry and the search for the next youth pastor was beginning. I've known he was resigning since the end of Jan. and that he had actually given his letter of resignation just after winter camp in Feb, but the announcement was postponed due to "technical difficulties."

This is kinda bittersweet for me. Weston and I have had a....ummm, how shall I say this... turbulent relationship over the past year and a half(I would say tumultuous but that implies a whole world of things that are not the case). But regardless of our immense differences in how we relate to kids, how view things and do things, he's become a really good friend who is dependable, stable, non-grudge holding and is always seeking the Lord. And our relationship, while still having differences, has grown into one of mutual respect and open frank honesty. While I'm sad that my friend will be leaving for other things and aware of how different it will be when he's gone, I'm excited for him and at the thought of a new youth pastor who can really related to kids and bring new life and excitement. I not going to lie here though, the thought of a new youth pastor that I may not know is a little scary to me. Weston and I have a built a good working relationship. As the female counterpart to his leading, he allows me a huge amount of freedom in programing, planning, and leading that I've come to enjoy. I know that this might not be the case with the new person and that it will take a time adjust and build trust and develop boundaries.... all the fun stuff.

The fun part is, or maybe not fun depending on how it goes, is that once the the applicants are weeded out and have gone through an initial interview process, I, as well as the two other people on who serve on the "youth commision" get to do the second interview.

So the search begins...

March Madness::.

HOME SWEET HOME

Last month I was approached by a lady at church. She and her husband own and manage a retirement community at the end of the street. The church is on one corner of the block the Upland Manor at the other about a 6th of a mile away. The Upland Manor owns a few houses along the span between the two. (I'm sure you can see where this is going).

She asked if I would be interested in renting one of the houses. We chatted for a few minutes about it, I told her I had dogs she told me what the rent would be but that it included w/s/t, lawn and pool service (yeah it has a pool).

Later that week my mom and I walked down to the vacant house to look around the outside. I loved what I saw! The house looks small and quaint from the front but is really a nice sized 3 bedroom 2 bath house on a large sized lot (by cali standards). There is a stone patio off the dining room and master bedroom that includes a built in brick fireplace, grill and wash sink, A large detached garage, An in ground pool with hot tub and huge pool house (which can double as a guest house that comes complete with fireplace and built in bar) followed by a nice back yard with plum and orange trees.

To make a long story short, over the course of a few weeks, the rent dropped dramatically, the board approved the dogs and dropped the pet deposit and lowered the over all security deposit. We were originally told the pool house was going to be off limits, but during our last conversation were told the pool is ours with free reign to do whatever we want to cosmetically. Great roommates appeared almost out of nowhere and though we haven't officially signed the lease (we just turned in the deposit this week) we were given permission to move in early free of charge.

I am soooo blessed!!!


I guess the short version would have been to just say: I'm moving out of my parents house!


Here are some photos of the outside of the house (patio was still being cleaned up from the last tenant when I walked down to take them)

(Self) Discipline: Freedoms Ugly Step Sister

I'm not sure that the title makes any sense but being one who sees most things in terms of relationship, it made me laugh... mostly because I am admittedly not good at self discipline.

I had a hard time figuring out what to blog about... there are a ton of good things happening here, both in the realm of self discipline and in big changes. So I decided I start with discipline and talk about the changes at a later date.

So, the last wednesday in February marked the start of lent. I've never really taken lent seriously other then to say I'm giving up exercising or going to work..etc. This year though I was strongly encouraged to do it by my mentor/discipler/counselor (what ever you want to call her) Catherine. I'm not Catholic and neither is Catherine. But she explained lent to me in a way that made more sense then just "sacrificing something you like for 40 days as an act of worship." Now, don't get me wrong, that's all well and good but she explained that Lent is more about giving up something and pressing in to the void it creates and find renewal. Like if I struggle with gluttony, daily fasting a meal to pray and get to the root of my sin issue with food and ask God to meet me there. Or if I am constantly tired, to give up coffee and press into the exhaustion to find out what the root of it is... etc.

I had a really hard time picking my "Lentin Discipline." I don't really drink besides an occasional glass of wine, my last of which was way before my birthday in January. I don't really smoke besides the occasional cigar on the beach. My long struggle with food is, at the moment, under control. I don't really watch tv, not for lack of enjoying it but for lack of time. My spending is... well we'll discuss that a little later. But what I have become keenly aware of over the past year is my immense desire for and seeking of affirmation from others, not from the God and how that has kept my heart imprisoned in a lot of ways. So the seeking is what I'm giving up and asking for renewal in the desire to receive it from him. Bringing a thought process, esp. an unconscious one, under control seems nearly impossible. And truthfully it kinda has been. Figuring out how to "walk it out" has been tricky esp. since I'm social. While I don't really feel like I need to go into the nitty gritty of how/when/what, I did realize that I need to pull back socially (though not completely...that would be insanity for me) and carve out a set time daily to focus/meditate/read on what God says about Himself,what He says about me, strengths he's given me and His purpose for me. So that's what I've been doing for the last week and I have to tell you that Catholic or not, Lent has been humbling, extremely eye opening but amazing none-the-less.

My battle with my heart motivations are not the only area of (self) discipline I am encountering these days. This month marks something huge for me... almost big enough to make March 2009 my favorite month of all time (that's not taking into account that fact that I some day hope to get married and birth some babies). I started travel nursing 4 1/2 years ago. One (of the several)reasons I did that was to pay off the HUGE amount of debt I had. So huge that a year after starting this "journey" I calculated my debt (excluding my house) and taped the number to my credit card... that number was between (gulp) $40 and $50 thousand dollars. This month, I will pay off the Montero, and the $15000 dollar debt consolidation loan I took out and spent with out consolidating anything, leaving me with my recent school expenses and a house (which is for currently for sale). This didn't hit me until just a few days ago and it gives me an incredible sense of freedom!!! I didn't think this day would ever come but it comes at the perfect time (it coincides with one of the several big changes to be discussed at a later date) I recently got Quicken accounting software for my lap-top (yeah yeah yeah... it's been around forever) but it too has opened my eyes to my often ridiculous spending habits. There is something about knowing you have to enter transactions and watching your account dwindle for frivolous things like Starbucks, or a trip to Target on a rainy day (ladies you know what I mean). Don't get me wrong, I am not at all anal about money, nor do I have a problem giving it away or spending it on people, that's actually one of things I enjoy doing the most, but I have also never really balanced my check book and being on a budget before the last few years either....

Self discipline is hard. I'm not good at it. But I'm learning freedom is only really freedom when you know how to exercise a little bit of self discipline.

(disclaimer 1- I'm not saying the affirmation from people is bad. I think it is a necessity. Disclaimer 2- no applause please on the debt payoff. My spending has gone from good to bad to ugly and back again more times then I can count... and I have a closet with clothes and shoes that have never been worn to prove it. In truth I could/should have had it all paid off in half the time. I guess sometimes the hardest lessons need to be taught multiple times before they get learned).

Winter Camp

(Pictures courtesy of Jamie)
Last weekend was winter camp, when all the Brethren in Christ youth groups in southern cali head to the snow for the weekend. Those who know me well, know that I love camp. This was no exception. It was a blast (one of the best wintercamps I've ever been to!!). The kids were awesome, the teaching was heavy but excellent, and there was plenty of snow. An added bonus was that Jamie Sensenig came out for the weekend to be a boys counselor, took some pretty sweet pictures (of course that means that he is in NONE of them, becuase I didn't take my camera out of my backpack...sigh... will I ever learn?) and he got to hang out with some of the coolest kids on the planet and my family. As always, it's fun to have him around!


Two speakers came from Fuller Seminary's Youth Institute (FYI) and talked about finding Christ in the midst of pain, what ever the source of pain be. We all were challenged to be honest with the deep places of hurt in our hearts, things that are undealt with and swept under the rug, and seek the Lord there. Like in Hosea when "the valley of trouble becomes a door of hope." There were kids that came forward with things like cutting, abuse, hurt from broken homes, deaths of parents, bullying... It was a topic that both adults and kids could relate to. We were left with the story of Job and the fact that he never got an answer to his question of "why" but that what he got was far greater: God showed up. I was really affected, and I know I'm not the only one.

Until this weekend, I didn't realize how much I missed the kids. I pulled back from the youth ministry at the end of the summer for several valid reasons (I still keep in contact with most of my girls but haven't been around youth group much). But something has been happened this weekend. It could have been that I was at camp, it could have been having a good friend from PA around, or it could have been that I had way to much caffiene but there is something about being with these kids that makes me feel like things are right with the world....

huh??

it's been rainy and cold here. I walked out to my car this morning, running fashionably late as usual. To my surprise there was ICE on my windshield... what happened to the Southern California weather I've grown love?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

needless to say, I don't have an ice scraper and was more than just fashionably late.....

Sunshine please please come back soon... my feet hate shoes..

hello????

So, umm, it's been awhile. Truthfully I've tried updating several times (like 6) over the past few months but there is a ton to tell and I get lost in details which leads to frustration which leads to me daydreaming, which leads to me... well, not posting. I'm at work now so I don't really have time to post much (of which there is a ton, i.e. career change, work, church, CD releases.... like I said lost in details), but I do want to update on one specific thing.

One of the main reasons for my not posting is my business. I have been busy dating a man, since the end of Oct... Halloween to be exact. Those of you long time blog followers will know him as David from the Utopian Love Story post way back in Aug 2007. The last few months has been so fun, and so hard. Fun because he makes me laugh. We go on "adventures" instead of dates. (adventures are usually free alternatives to dates, like the beach to water color, or Ikea (below with the hats), or hiking, or catalina, or fishing). We talk hours on the phone, see each other almost daily, make up goofy songs that our fake band is going to sing...etc. It's been hard because I was forced to face a lot of my fears of being hurt, of being vulnerable and open, of not being good enough and had to let my guard down. These are all hard things to work through and it took me sometime to completely say "this is what I want." David was extremely, extremely patient with me. He answered questions, gave plenty of assurance and always always treated my heart gently in spite of the things I would say (and I said plenty of things I wish I could take back). I finally decided that I was ready to be 'in it' a few weeks before he decided he was done being 'in it'. And things ended rather abruptly last Thursday. The 'break-up' was amicable. I had an amazing quiet time earlier in the day that I believe was preparation for 'the talk.' We parted with the understanding that things would change but not too much. We would still see each other and talk, but keep things low key until some things in both our lives got worked out. He has since stopped all communication without warning or reason. I am left confused, sad, missing my friend terribly and am not sure what I should be doing. I want to make things right, but am not sure what exactly is wrong. I want to apologize for things I've said (that I have already apologized for) and speak truth in their place. I want him to hear before he completely closes the door, but I don't want to push away. Everyone tells me that time and space is what is needed which, of course, is easier said than done.

My birthday is this week. He was coming over to celebrate with my family and had a surprise "adventure" planned for us this weekend. The last time we talked that was still the plan. I'm hopeful that I will see him, but I'm not expecting to. The unknown scares me.

I know that God is faithful, even in dating. I know that He is teaching me to trust, and using my hairdresser to do it (that in and of itself poses a whole other issue... who's going to do my freakin hair??? He's been doing it for free for a while!!!!!). I know that things will be fine, that I'll move on whether my questions get answered or not. If you think of it, please pray for my heart for peace and confidence in God's plan even when I have no clue what it is, but most importantly, please pray for David and his heart, that God would soften it, not to me but Him.

Thanks friends.

I promise more soon!

Oh & let me know if your still reading-