Today:.

One year ago today I packed the Montero, loaded up the dogs, picked up Laura, filled up the gas tank and headed west. In a few ways, it seems like it was just yesterday, but in most ways it seems like it was a lifetime ago.

I read something the other day that resonated with me as I thought back about my time here over this past year. It read like this “Reality is like fine wine, it will not appeal to children.” (D. Miller).

I realize I have been a child in many ways, for a long time. I have lived in a world of what life “should be.” How I “should” be. I have lived in a white washed, self-constructed, how I wish life would be, deluded, chasing after but never quite finding, dream world. I dreamt of what life will be like when all the if’s and when’s become and placed my hope there. I dreamt so hard and long that I got lost far from the truth of my daily existence.

But a dreamer can only dream until they wake up.

And I had been asleep for a long time.

This spring, I woke up hard, choking, sputtering, gasping for air. Like someone had poured ice-cold water on my face in the middle of my sweet, sweet dream with so much force it seemed like a damn was breaking. My past and present came violently colliding with the reality of who I thought I was. And all those things I didn’t like about reality were there, all the ugly, messed up, broken down, insecurity laden, broken hearted, used and abused pieces of me were there waiting to be faced. Waiting to be stared down, waiting to be reckoned with, waiting to be validated, waiting to be forgiven, waiting to be loved, waiting to make peace.

I woke up hard. I woke up beyond “a tough time transitioning.” I woke up beyond romantic dreams dashed. I woke up on the edge, and I woke up broken.

I woke up to the reality that I was not okay, I woke up to the reality that I have abused my heart and my body, with food and alcohol and my words when I speak cruely to myself. I woke up to the wounds of chasing relationships, of being in the wrong place and the wrong time, and the abuse of others. I woke up to the reality of past filled with things long pushed under the rug, ignored and not dealt with. I woke up to the reality that I put more pressure on myself than God ever has or will; to be someone he never intended me to be. I woke up to the reality that I care more about what people think than what God says. I woke up to the reality that in the quest to keep myself sleeping and protected I have hurt people I love, that I am selfish, that I am greedy.

I woke up to reality that I had long been avoiding.

I woke up…to me

But I woke up……

I feel a certain kinship with Rip Van Winkle. I think this must be what he felt like when he rose from slumber after 20 years, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes to find himself in a new world, a stranger, even to himself. But I quickly learned this: that Jesus met the bleeding woman in the reality of her bloodiness, he met dead Lazarus in the smelly reality of a tomb, he met fishermen in the reality of their uneducated ignorance, he met the paralyzed man in the reality of his disbelief he could be healed, he met the blind man in the reality of his blindness… Jesus called them to be honest about their bloody, blind, ignorant, paralyzed, dead reality, He met them in their reality and it was in their reality that he loved them... it is only in reality that Jesus dwells.

This year Jesus woke me from my dream of me, and called me to account for my reality

This year, Jesus met me in my ugly reality.

He met me in my reality in ways I have never allowed him to meet me before

It is in my reality that I need him and it is in my reality that I found him

Jesus loves me completely in my reality

And it is in my reality that he changes me

A year ago today I loaded up the dogs, picked up Laura and excitedly headed west. I didn’t know what the road held, nor was I prepared for how hard it was going to be. I was very much a sleeping pacified child.

But reality is like fine wine, it will not appeal to children.

I don’t want to be a child anymore.

Happy....

3rd Birthday to the boy who refers to himself as "your friend," who gets his Nemo suitcase, grabs my hand and says "I love you. Lets go for a walk," asks his dad "Am I loquacious?" (I had to look it up too) and thinks that dressing up like Darth Vader means stripping down to your Thomas the Tank underwear, putting on your Buzz LightYear boots and carrying a "light saber." Love you Sam!!!

Wild Weekend

One thing I have come to appreciate is how Cali life and my personality fit so well together. Here in California, at least the part that I live in, there is always something to do, some sorta something to be involved in. To some, that sounds exhausting, rightly so. To me however, someone who thrives on people and for the most part is indifferent (within reason) to how time is spent as long as it's with said people; life here is a constant, continuous refueling... if that makes sense. This weekend was crazy- crazy busy and crazy fun!!

Friday night I went flying. That's right flying. A friend of mine is a pilot and invited a group of us to go for a "flight." We left just before sunset and flew until it was dark, landed, got coffee and flew some more. I have never been in a small plane (and by small I mean there were 4 seats including that of the pilot). But it was so fun and beautiful. I took these pictures with my phone (yeah... still haven't learned my camera lesson). It was the perfect evening to fly. The sky was clear and beautiful. We talked of future plans to fly up the coast to a place where you can land on the beach and camp. mmmm- the beach and camping and flying..... dreamy! (although there was some question as to where we put the surf boards for the flight:-)

On Saturday, after a long day of homework, I moseyed on into Pasadena to go swing dancing. Crazy huh?? Ok, I'm going to honest here- I don't swing dance. I merely went with my friend Corrie, who does by the way swing dance... quite well actually, to a special studio something or other. I didn't dance, though I was asked several times and offered a quick lesson by those asking. I thought it better that I observe and then get a lesson or 20 before participating. It was amazing! I learned toward the end of the night, after having been thoroughly amazed by boys flipping girls every which way, that, oh yeah... that guy, he's the West Coast Swing Champion, and oh those two, they dance professionally... and so on. Of course my role of protecting the couch from getting kicked or bumped or run into by crazy dancing fools, with my body was invaluable. Again these pictures were taken with my phone from the comfort of the couch, so the quality isn't that great. I don't think you'll be able to see it, but there is a guy in the green striped shirt with the girl in the striped shirt in the center of the first picture. He's a crazy flipper. My goal is to some day be able to dance with him.... I said goal... as in long term:-)

Friday also happened to be my good friend Alex's birthday! So we had several celebrations. One Thursday night into Friday morning... (ok, this was really just 4 us hanging out talking which lasted later than expected, but we still said Happy Birthday when the clock struck midnight.) One Saturday evening prior to swing dancing, and one on Sunday (which doubled as a youth leader meeting). Who knew turning 34 required such celebrating. No pictures of the parties, but for posterity sake, here's a picture of Alex singing with Sam, his son, last week at a house concert ( I believe the song was one that Sam wrote about sneezing... seriously the kid is turning three).
Now, with all the weekend behind me, it's back to work and back to school. This week is finals week. I had hoped to get my ethics final finished tonight, but you know..... maybe tomorrow. I'm tired!

Update:

Thanks to all who are praying for my family and for Ann. Here's an update on the whole situation.

Thursday afternoon, Ann's mom started telling people that Ann would be staying until Monday. When my dad investigated, he found that was either a miscommunication or a lie. When confronted, Ann's mom exploded and told my dad (using plenty of expletives) to back off. From there a "discussion" regarding Ann's options at discharge began. The mom had been refusing to give up custody, even temporarily, which is why everyone involved was willing to take legal action. When faced with the option of willingly giving up custody or having it taken, the mom decided to give custody to the paternal grandparents. The conversation with the parents and my dad ended like this: The mom: "I know you wouldn't do that, I know its just a threat." My dad: "test me (name) test me, and I'll see you in court." (Can I just stop and say how much I love my dad!!! Watching him fight for this broken girl gives me a heightened sense of respect for him and makes me proud to be his daughter).

I went to visit Ann on Thursday evening. She looked the best I have ever seen her and was in good spirits. She was not thrilled about going to be with her grandparents, but said that it was better than being with her parents. Ann was discharged on Friday and is at her grandparents now.

I think that being with her grandparents is better than being with her parents, but wonder if it is only a temporary fix. It is a better option, but I'm not convinced it's the best. My heart wants her to be with us and knows she will blossom if given the opportunity.

Through all this, Sheli has been amazing! The extent to which she has grown up is astounding. The girl that was once afraid to order a drink at Starbucks (seriously) was able to clearly and confidently tell her birth mother that she was wrong, that she was being selfish and that she is an unfit mother. She was able to tell my parents how she would feel in Ann were to move in. This is so huge!!! Those who know Sheli and her story know that she has lived in fear of having an opinion, fear of voicing her thoughts and was crippled by insecurity for reasons not needing mentioned here. But suddenly, she has seemed more like an adult and less like a kid. I love that girl!!!

Thanks for your prayers, and keep praying. I don't see this turmoil with Ann ending anytime soon.

PRAY:

In my last post I mentioned how crazy busy I have been since I got home from PA. It's also been a bit stressful. Sheli (my adopted sister) has a 15 year old half sister. Her name is Ann. Last week Ann tried to commit suicide. She overdosed, was found unconscious having cut herself 14times. She is doing well physically and is still hospitalized in a locked down psychiatric unit but will be released Friday. I don't think it's wise to share the particulars of Ann's story up to this point, but will say that she is in desperate need of a new home situation. Her parents, (Sheli's mom and her boyfriend), are refusing to make any changes, and plan on taking her home on Friday. Ann has become like part of our family. She is one of the sweet highschool girls I work with at church.

Under no circumstances is it ok for her to return home. She has asked my dad for over a year to try to find her a new home, and has had opportunity to move, only to be told no by her mother. There are three options for Friday's discharge, 1) that she go home with her parents (this will only happen if she agrees), 2)She says she won't go home with her family and she becomes a ward of the state, and enters a group home 3) As the guardian and adoptive parents of her half sister, my parents file an emergency conservatorship with California Child services, and bring Ann into our home. There is one other family (relatives) that are praying about taking her but have not been approved by the state as a fit home so Ann would go to a group home until the state investigation is completed. The courts don't like to split siblings, and since we have Sheli and have already had the (extensive) home study, our house is the easiest choice. Filing for conservatorship means an all out custody war. Having Ann here may not be a good thing for Sheli either. There are a lot of other things that factor in as well. Like where will she sleep, who will share rooms, is it smart to enroll her in the same school as Sheli, can I free up my time to be to Ann what I was to Sheli when she moved in and help her adjust, what lax things will need to be structured until she gets adjusted to having rules.....etc.

Having someone join our family is not new for my biological sisters and I. We grew up having random people find a home in ours for months at a time, many of them wayward teens like Ann. That's what I love about my parents. They welcome people into their home as they are, no strings, and love them. Somehow, we all end up better for it. But having stable home is new for Sheli and so is the thought of someone new. While the rest of know the adjustment is hard, it always works out, Sheli is afraid that the family she waited for for 14 years will be taken away, or change, and she'll no longer be important.

The conservatorship needs to be filed tomorrow (thursday) morning, so this will be a quick decision. My dad and the other relative are meeting tomorrow to pray through what needs to be done and have talked to Ann extensively about it. If you would, when you get a chance, or even right now, please say a prayer for my dad and the decision, for Ann and the outcome. Thank you.

lessons learned

SOOOOOO... I was in PA for a week about a week ago. And yes I'm a slacker, but only in the blog world. But lets be honest... it's not like it's been 2months or anything (eh hemmmm :-). And when the plane landed in Cali, I hit the ground running. I slept a few hours went to work, and then had a week full of community dinner, Pasadena, started a new Bible/book study with the ladies (started an amazing book which I'm sure I'll have occasion to write about in the future) had a house concert, made breakfast for the youth group, taught Sunday school.... oh, and I was/am in school full time.... just thinking about it makes my head spin. Truthfully I still haven't completely unpacked.... alright, no judging my house keeping skills, I'm perfectly content with my clothing chaos. Anyway, all that said, I have been thinking, I need to blog but time has a way of getting away.

So without further ado, here's a bit about my trip to the good ole, good ole. Pennsylvania. My trip had some specific objectives 1) to clean the rest of the stuff out of my house (specifically the basement) 2) to meet my Realtor 3)see family and friends. (2 outta 3 isn't bad right?). It goes without saying that visiting a place you once called home makes you realize some lessons learned. Here are some that I learned during my week:

1) If you want pictures you have to actually use your camera. ummm yeah- I had my camera with me and yet, I had to ask people to email pictures... even then, I still have no pictures of anyone from 1st Friday, my grandparents, my house, Jamie, John, Jeff and Leslie, etc......:-(.... maybe I should take it out of my suitcase next time.

2) My grandparents are like Rose and Noah from The Notebook. Most of you know my grandmother isn't doing well. At times during my visit she thought I was her cousin. That's a huge part of the reason my sister and I made the trip. Anywho- my grandfathers day is dedicated to caring for her. He gladly does everything. He made the comment at dinner "She did everything for me most of my life, this is the least I can do for her." (sigh....) that's love.

3) It is entirely possible for weather to hurt your feelings All I'm going to say is that it's not cool to wear a snow suit when your past a certain age.... trust me on this.

4)Surprisingly, my basement isn't scary especially when you close the door and pretend it doesn't exist, which explains the 2 outta 3.

5)Dutch Wonderland isn't for sissy's. Ok, in my defense, those swings are vicious, especially when preceded by the Dutch Vonder Haus.

6) Never, under any circumstances, eat two Turkey Hill green chili cheese burritos with in a 24hour period. Thankfully, this lesson was learned vicariously.

7) and last but not least I love my friends- Ok- this one I already knew. I have some of the best friends ever who are able to pick up where we left off and talk as though it hasn't been forever.

For those of you I didn't get to see and those whom I didn't get to see long, please know that it wasn't for lack of desire. I think I'd need to move back to spend as much time with as many people as I'd like too. I'll be back soon for sure- my house isn't sold yet (Danielle I saw your comment right before I left. So sorry! Next time, I promise).

P-P-P-Procrastination

I am sitting in Panera here in good 'ole Lancaster. I am supposed to be working on school, but am having a hard time concentrating. Beside me is a rousing conversation about Annemarie and here multiple love interests. I don't know Annemarie, but her sister is sitting at the next table with a friend and is quite excited about the prospect of a new brother-in-law (or two depending on how Annemarie plays her cards from the sound of it).

I have only been here for little over 24hours and have seen some of the people who have been most important in my life. Others, just as important, I have yet to see, some I may not see. As I listen to the exclamation of Matt's love for Annemarie (though she says he's like the 'best friend' of the male lead in a movie) I am struck by the ever changing nature of life and relationships. It is interestingly amazing to see how we grow and move in and out of worlds, how we are shaped each in our own time, with our own set of choices and circumstances, with our own purpose and direction, how it doesn't ever look the way we think it should or the way anyone else thinks it should. How growth can be uncomfortable, sometimes painful, to some extent un-understandable to anyone but the One that growing us and how that's okay. How friendships can be intense and short while others ebb and flow with grace and strength that grows lifetimes. How each are important and each have their distinct purpose, seen or unseen. And how we are never as lost as we think or feel we are.

I drove through Lancaster last night and smiled at all the sweet memories I had of different places, with different people, but I also smiled at the hard parts, the dreams unfulfilled, prayers seemingly unanswered, feelings of awkwardness, the trying to figure out who I was. My journey thus far has not been a straight shot from point A to point B, but a maze of wonderings often doubling back on itself, going left when I should have gone right, speaking when I should have been silent, offering too much or not enough.... but it is my journey none-the-less, and I am overwhelmed by God's goodness.

As for Matt and Annemarie, the sister doesn't give it much hope and neither do I. The best friend to the male lead in a movie doesn't typically get the girl, I don't think that's going to change anytime soon.

Never before seen

I didn't realize that I had so many pictures on my camera when I uploaded pictures from Dana's birthday party. There were some that I remember taking and some I'm sure I didn't take. Here are a few that made me smile (even if I'm not sure where they came from).

The (waffle) King and I

Andrew showed up at my house early one Sunday morning to help make breakfast for the youth group as was the summer tradition. His arrival was unexpected for two reasons. The first, he never makes it to church on time, let alone gets up early enough to walk there to help make breakfast. Second, the Sunday before was to be our last Sunday breakfast at the house. Thanks to Andrews initiative and waffle making skills, Sunday breakfast lives on.

Two guys, my stuff and a big yellow truck

I forgot I had my camera with me when we unloaded the truck. Good times! Sadly, these 3 pictures are the only pictures I have from Jamie and Jason's visit.

The Newport Pier These were taken during some "alone time" one Saturday evening as the tide was coming in. (One of my favorite places to surf is just to the right of the pier)



(Angry?) Ocean Art

Done during the same "alone time" that the pictures were taken, I started painting a serene ocean but it quickly turned into a churning mess of blue and black as my mind started to wonder.

The couple that flosses together stays together
John and Kymbri at Del Taco during their last weekend in Cali.

Dr???
I have no idea where this came from. It's definitely my car, definitely my stethoscope, but what was going on, how it happened and why it's on my camera will forever remain a mystery.


Sheli used my camera to make a homecoming gift for a 'friend' who spent the summer in Europe. There were about 50 pictures of "I miss you Henry" (or portions of it) still on the camera.


It's the beach, that I know. And the boy on the right is Phillip, but after that I'm clueless.

Happy Birthday(s)

This was a birthday weekend. My friend Weston turned 25 on Friday and my sister Dana turned 26 on Saturday. After much deliberating (via text) about the where, who, how...and why, Ashley (party planner #1) and I (party planner #2) decided that either out of convenience or laziness we would make a reservation, plan a combined party and call it a day. On Saturday night we took them both to a super cool fondue/jazz club called Hip Kitty and had a grand time.
The Band

Sisters (Dana, me and April)



Dana, Shawn and Ashley



Attack of the skewer


Due to laughter, many attempts to take a decent picture of April and I (so she can update her 'site') , failed. I think I may have been laughing so hard I was crying in this picture.


Weston and I



Umm... I don't know exactly what was going on here.
Tara and Dana



Meeting of the planners
Ashley and I


The 'other' end of the table...
Weston and Alex

Life Journal

Sorry Laura... don't know what happened, it worked when i tried it. Here it is one more time!!!

San Diego, The House, Fusion

San Diego

This past week I spent a chunk of time in San Diego for a work conference. The conference was "Dilemma's in Wound Care." It came to my attention recently, that not many people really have an idea what I do at work these days... but trust me when I say, you may be better off, or at least able to hold food down, if I don't give too many details. What I will tell you, is that in a nut shell, what I do is wound care. I'm not talking about clean surgical incisions, I'm talking deep, dead tissue filled gaping, beside surgery nasty nasty wounds... yeah- I wield a mean scalpel. One of the perks (or the stressful part depending on how you look at it) is that it requires a ton of extra training, so I get to go to conferences, conferences that are usually in fun places....like San Diego. I went down Wednesday evening, had the conference Thursday and drove home Friday afternoon. Now, I am fully aware that I could have cut one of those days out, San Diego is only two hours away. But I turned off my cell phone, left my school books in the car, and took some time for a personal retreat. Truthfully, I looked into staying friday night as well, but the weekend rate for the hotel I stayed at was absurd. And oh, what a hotel it was (pictured above). It was called "The Dana" and sat right on Mission Bay/Beach. My room was on the second floor and had a balcony that overlooked the water. But what was better than the room was the absolute beauty of the hotel grounds. There was lush tropical plants, ground lighting along waters edge paths, an out door restaurant where the only lighting were wrought iron torches. enclosed heated outdoor pools- it was beautiful. In spite of all that, I just wanted to rest and be quite for a bit. I spent the majority of the time in my room. on the balcony away from the other hotel guests... I am realizing that scheduling time away from my crazy world is something I need to do more often....

The House
Hopefully sometime this week my house will officially be on the market... hopefully. The fact that it's not already is no one's fault but my own. I have the paper work, it's just finding time to fill it all out and fax it (tomorrow I have the day off and it's at the top of the to do list). It has actually taken me quite awhile to come to the decision to sell it. I love that place, even in all it's ghetto-ness- it's one of the things that ties me to Pennsylvania. I have so many memories in that house.... But Jamie is moving out in Oct, and winter will be upon...the northeast...soon. I'm not excited about dealing with an empty house from across the country, or about finding new renters. Since I'm pretty set about staying here, selling it, or at least attempting too, is the smartest option. Honestly, I am both sad and relieved by the decision, but I definitely have peace about it. So if you think of me and/or the house, please pray that it sells quickly (inspite of the market).

FUSION (LC this is for you!!)
Last but not least, my friend Laura requested some information from me that I thought others might be able to use. A little background- Fusion is the young adult ministry of the church Christian Assembly (Eagle Rock). The ministry has grown so large (400+ 18-35yr/olds) that it has it's own worship service on Sunday evenings. I had been praying for a place to get involved and get connected with people my own age but I didn't want it to interfere with my involvement in my home church and thus force me to constantly be choosing which to go to. Fusion was a suggestion of a friend and I have been enjoying checking it out for the last little bit(ummm yeah... where but So Cal would you find a small group that goes surfing every saturday morning followed by biblestudy on the beach?? Yes please!!). I checked the website several times before venturing to it to see what it was all about and stumbled onto the "Life Journal" (okay not really stumbled, it's really easy to find on the opening page). It's an online daily scripture reading tool great for people who are stuck at a desk for a portion of their day and tend to be slackers (or over-committed) in their free time (I'm speaking about myself). Basically, it gives you a link to the scripture and then has spaces for you to free text what it's saying or what the Lord is speaking to you through it, how you're life will be different because of it, and a prayer of response. Each gets saved to complete a "journal" that you can later look back on(should you so desire) to see the theme of Gods work in your life. Best part, it's free and you don't need to be a member or even live in the state to register and begin using it. So journal away all you fellow desk jockey's!!! (I linked it to the CA homepage... the life journal link is on the right side).

the littlest "playa"

This is a conversation I had recently with a 2year old while holding his newborn baby brother.


Sam (moving super close to me): "Isn't he sooo cute?"

Me (smiling): "Yes he is. Do you love him?"

Sam: "yes, I dooo love him. He is my brother. He is a boy."

Me (trying not to laugh): "A boy like you?"

Sam: "yes, a boy like me."

Me: "I guess that means I'm a girl."

Sam (putting his hands on my cheeks, pulling my face so close to his that our noses almost touch) whispers: "No, you're not a girl. (pause). You're a lady."
.....I am in love.....

Changing Seasons

Summer is always ended by the only thing that has the power to end it... the beginning of school. Summer officially dies tomorrow (I know, you're rolling your eyes right now. You're right, it is always summer in Southern California). But tomorrow my sisters go back to school, my mom goes back to school, all the kids in the youth group go back to school and I go back to school.

School means the end of weekly (sometimes bi-weekly) beach trips complete with boogie boarding, surfing, sun tan lotion and post beach trip aloe parties. It means the youth group goes back to their regular sunday school and will stop coming over to the house on Sundays for pancakes, french toast, breakfast burritos or whatever my girls dream up. It means no more surprise visits from kids at work. It means homework, paper writing, test taking & late nights after long days at work. It means new, but not necessarily fun, priorities.

Yesterday, to mark the end of summer, we took the youth group to the beach for the last official "beach day." We left later than usual and stayed well into the night to have a beach bon-fire. It was a very long, but fun, day. I left the group sometime between smore's and loading up the car to take a walk by myself.

I walked along the waters edge letting the cold water roll over my feet as the waves came in until I felt I had put a significant space between myself and the kids I had just spent the day with, the kids I hold near and dear to my heart. I found a spot in the cold, wet sand just out of the waters reach and sat... and sat... and sat... and sat. I sat alone, in the dark, staring out at a black sea speckled only with the lights of ships in the distance, mesmerized by the enormous waves that came crashing in and then just as quickly were pulled back out. It was both beautiful and dangerous. As I sat alone in the dark staring at a black sea, I tried to quite my mind. But instead, my thoughts turned to exhaustion from a day spent with kids, the decision to pull back from the youth group a bit and focus on school, the school journey itself, the thought of selling the house and the reality of transitioning friendships as my permanence here becomes more real. Being overwhelmed by a job that takes 2years to learn but having to able to do it in 3months..... all things both trivial and meaningful about california life flowed freely in and out of my mind until I asked a question I have thought often in the past few months but ever only whispered and never dared to wait for an answer.... "why am I here?" only this time I listened. There was nothing overwhelming, no lightening bolt from heaven or a grand revelation of my future only a soft yet strong voice saying "I am here."

I sat in the dark, staring at the sea, watching the waves steadily, faithfully and confidently, as if with purpose, roll in and get swept back out for a bit longer. It was both beautiful and dangerous. Then I got up, walked along the waters edge, letting the cold waves wash over my feet, until I reached the bon-fire I had left.

Welcome To The World......

Congrats to Alex, Jacquie and big brother Sam on the arrival of Joel Reed!!!! Joel was born c-section 8/13 (two weeks early) weighing 8lbs 5 oz. Everyone is doing well and are expected to arrive home today!!!

A Long and Sad Goodbye

Tonight I said goodbye to one of my most favorite boys.

John was honestly an unlikely friend. He was the close friend of someone I was seriously crushing on. Initially he hung out to be the "third person" when we would do things. In the beginning I was slightly annoyed by him. His presence kept conversation from getting too deep (and quite frankly kept me from flirting shamelessly) but as my crush faded, we continued to hang out, and he is now one of my closest friends here. Only a handful of people can make me laugh as hard as he can (seriously, who wears a sparkly pink girl shirt with cap sleeves that says "Let's focus on me" to his birthday party) while remaining a amazing sounding board, not to mention a strong voice of reason.

He has very quickly become one of my favorite things about California life. So why goodbye....? here's the kicker- Tomorrow at 6am he is leaving to move to..... wait for it..... Philadelphia!!!!!!! Ironic huh?? Tonight was the last I'll see of a friend whom I'm used to seeing or talking to almost daily until October, and saying goodbye nearly (but not quite) brought me to tears.

Good bye #2 Kymbri is one of the most amazing unjaded, trusting young women I have ever met. There is a sweet innocence about her that makes it hard to believe that she has experienced any turmoil in her life ever... but that's definitely not the case. God has blessed her with amazing resiliency. She and I became close when we were the only two girls on a Colorado trip this past spring. We did everything together for a week, and I mean everything!!! I marveled (and still do) at her ability to have complete unwavering faith in God. She, with John, who happens to be her boyfriend, is leaving tomorrow morning at 6am to head to east coast where she'll be starting at Messiah in a few weeks.

The past few days have been a big long goodbye party. My heart is both sad for me, and excited for them (truthfully I'm a little more sad than excited... okay much more sad actually)!

Immortality

One of the coolest perks in my life right now is a close friendship with a wonderful married couple name Alex and Jacquie. Jacquie is an artist and a stay at home mom. Alex is a musician and is part of the incredibly cool band Five O'Clock People (not to mention the worship leader at my church). He also is a producers for bands he deems fit (seriously this guy has an impeccable ear). They are the type of friends that are obviously a gift from God in my life. My sundays are usually spent at their house, eating lunch, playing with there amazingly cute son Sam, napping..... you get the point. This Sunday was a bit different.

Alex has been working with a new band named Atlantic. The band is comprised of 4 guys; Josh, Nathan, Alex (not the aforementioned Alex) and Jeremy. This band is phenomenal!!!!! One would think that the perk to being Alex and Jacquie's friends is that you get to rub shoulders with up and coming artists (as if their incredible friendship weren't enough), and it is. Hanging out at the Walkers so frequently inevitably means hanging out with Atlantic, as well other musicians. Today, however, hanging out and rubbing shoulders took a crazy turn.

After eating at Chipotle (a mexican restaurant) Alex mentioned that he was going to the Wire (a small art/music/recording venue) to "lay down" some guitar tracks for an hour or so. Knowing that Jacquie (who is nine months pregnant) would be napping, not to mention being very intrigued by the whole track laying down, I asked if I could accompany him. He agreed explaining this wasn't a very "studio experience" it was just a few guitar parts (seriously, it's all the same to me).

We arrived and I played "coffee girl" and made a Starbucks run. When I had gotten back, Josh, Nathan and Alex were just about done setting up with the engineer Dave. I took a spot out of the way on the floor by an amp and silently (well kinda.... these boys are all really really funny, so there was a lot of goofing off that happened. But lets just say I tried to stay out of the way though it didn't always work out so well:-). On the "to do" list was a chorus for Nathan, and verse and chorus for Josh and a whisper track. Nathan began and worked his part out for about 20minutes. Next was the whisper track.

A whisper track is just what it sounds like. It's whispering that will go in and around certain parts of a song. There were two that need to be recorded. One was whispering a line in the chorus to insert between the chorus and the verse, the other was random whispering for the end of the song. It works best when there is a small group of people standing around the mic whispering. This is where I became immortal in the music world. By luck (and a friendship with perks) I was in the studio and happen to have amazing (yet rarely used) whispering skills. So for several takes we all (5 of us) stood around the mic laying down a whisper track. When we finished Josh laid down his part and we heard the rough cut of it all together. It sounded so freaking cool!!!!

Now, I am fully aware that a whisper track does not make me a super star, but hanging out in the studio for the afternoon was a look into a world that I know nothing about and it was awesome! Truthfully, it made wish that I were the slightest bit musically inclined. And when Atlantic makes it big (and trust me they will, look for their CD sometime in the near future... I think, they sent the rough mix to be mastered. I don't know what all that entails let alone how long it takes) I will be able to say I was there at The Wire when they recorded parts of their first album and it's my voice you hear in the whisper on "What do you want from me."

These are some of the pictures I took with my phone so they're a little dark

Summer, Summer Summer....Camp

This past week was summer camp. Camp is one of the most amazing places to me. I swear the trees drip grace. It's where I was saved, where I spent every summer from 9th grade until I was a sophomore in college.

This summer camp was bittersweet to me. It isn't what I remember it to be (But is anything every really what we remember once time has stripped away the bitter parts and left us only with the sweet? ). Even though it didn't compare to past experience it was still a great week- here are a few highlights.