No, this isn't a reference to my card playing ability. Anyone who knows me, knows I have none. Whether it's inability or just plain refusal to learn; poker is beyond me. I have no idea what a full house is unless you're talking about how I grew up. If you don't believe me, ask Lane about my card playing "prowess" or lack there of. I'm referring to my "plan B." My secret "just in case" plans in the event that things don't work quite right. A back-up plan, or sort of insurance policy to ensure my happiness- If not this then that, if not one then the other. I have one for almost everything and every situation, down to hairstyles and outfits. I'm admittedly a girl that feels the need to have options, regardless of whether they're viable. Usually these come in handy until they don't.
This week, amidst the business, fun and sleep deprivation, I had an issue where things didn't go how I thought they should. I pulled out that ace and called "all in" and still lost. My 'plan B' was thwarted, leaving me stumbling and stunned. What happened next wasn't pretty. The deep reservoir of sin, selfishness and anger that fills more of my heart than I care to admit, exploded and came pouring out of my mouth in an abundance of hurtful word vomit directed at the one whom I thought was doing the thwarting. My temper tantrum alienated them and regretfully hurt them more than I know, and for that I am sorry.
So as I lay in bed last night (I got off work early) listening to Bear snore and Sids muffled barks while dreaming, with about a gallon of coffee coursing through my veins, unable to sleep. I was stewing about what plan 'C' should be, upset that I couldn't think of one, frustrated because I couldn't take back what I said, and looking for away to make amends when the Lord intervened. Taking credit for the thwarting, revealing the ugly truth about my plan 'B's (C,D,E,F and G for that matter); that plan 'b' not only put my feelings, wants and desires above anyone elses, but that they show only dependence on my own ability and absolutely no trust in Him. I replaced His sovereignty and providence with what I thought was a better plan. He quickly reminded me that I have no aces and that my plans will always leave me stumbling, stunned with my face in the dirt when they fail to yield the desired results (and they never will). That I am completely utterly not in control.
Kim- I would love to get a cup of coffee with you. In honor of the year anniversary of your visit. I think you should come out again. I love and miss you girl!!!
3 Comments:
Hey you...
You know some one very wise once told me...oh..wait. I forgot. Anyway, I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your blog. The pictures came out great!
BDD....
HEY!
I totally would love to frame some of those pics and hang them in my house. They are most definately frame worthy!
So many time things don't work out like we plan! Oh, my heart goes out to you for the pain you've experienced. What an oppurtunity you have to put your trust in the Lover of your soul, the One who makes all things work together for your good!
I love ya, friend!
Kim
Bethany!
Love the pics! They are great and you did a good job of posting them! If you would like a slideshow, let me know and I'll email you the 411.
I can empathize or maybe it's sympathize, I can never tell the difference, with your post. So many times I think I'm on a detour or something and I need to get back to the main highway, but I'm definitely on the right road. It may not look like the 'right' road, but I don't see what's ahead I can only see the short distance before me. Our heavenly Father sees the whole path before me and he has promised not to let me stray off the path. He has done so much for me in sending His son, will he not do everything else that is easier than sending his Son to die for my sins?
He has also promised that for you too and your story is a witness to God's work in fulfilling that promise to you. Rest in his arms.
This was in today's Morning and Evening:
"I will help thee, saith the Lord."—Isaiah 41:14.
This morning let us hear the Lord Jesus speak to each one of us: "I will help thee." "It is but a small thing for Me, thy God, to help thee. Consider what I have done already. What! not help thee? Why, I bought thee with My blood. What! not help thee? I have died for thee; and if I have done the greater, will I not do the less? Help thee! It is the least thing I will ever do for thee; I have done more, and will do more. Before the world began I chose thee. I made the covenant for thee. I laid aside My glory and became a man for thee; I gave up My life for thee; and if I did all this, I will surely help thee now. In helping thee, I am giving thee what I have bought for thee already. If thou hadst need of a thousand times as much help, I would give it thee; thou requirest little compared with what I am ready to give. 'Tis much for thee to need, but it is nothing for me to bestow. 'Help thee?' Fear not! If there were an ant at the door of thy granary asking for help, it would not ruin thee to give him a handful of thy wheat; and thou art nothing but a tiny insect at the door of My all-sufficiency. 'I will help thee.'"
O my soul, is not this enough? Dost thou need more strength than the omnipotence of the United Trinity? Dost thou want more wisdom than exists in the Father, more love than displays itself in the Son, or more power than is manifest in the influences of the Spirit? Bring hither thine empty pitcher! Surely this well will fill it. Haste, gather up thy wants, and bring them here—thine emptiness, thy woes, thy needs. Behold, this river of God is full for thy supply; what canst thou desire beside? Go forth, my soul, in this thy might. The Eternal God is thine helper!
Love ya,
Sara
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